Is My Butt Too Big? » Beauty

Deformity on the Inside, Beauty on the Outside

Susan Harrow — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:10:43 +0000

David Roche is the pastor of the Church of 80% Sincerity. He has a severe facial deformity that people don’t notice so much after he speaks for a while and they get over the shock of it and see his radiance. He says that people with facial deformities wear their shadow on the outside whereas the rest of us wear it on the inside.

“We in the Church of Eighty Percent Sincerity do not believe in miracles,” he said. “But we do believe that you have to stay alert, because good things happen. When God opens the door, you’ve go to put your foot in. Eighty Percent Sincerity is about as good as it’s going to get. So is Eighty Percent compassion. Eighty Percent celibacy. So twenty percent of the time, you just get to be yourself.”

I love the way Roche cuts you slack for not being perfect. We’re all on the road called “trying.” We’re “trying” to live a life of 100% sincerity and when we fall short it’s not so serious. He takes the smugness out of sincerity.

Writer Anne Lamott says, “In the Church of 80% Sincerity, you definitely don’t have to look good, but you are supposed to meditate.

According to David’s instructions, you sit quietly with your eyes closed and you follow your breath in and out of your body, gently watching your mind.

Your mantra should go like this: ‘Why am I doing this? This is such a waste! I have so much to do! My butt itches…’ And if you stick to it, he promises, from time to time calm and peace of mind will intrude. After some practice with this basic meditation, you will be able to graduate to panic meditations, and then sex fantasy meditations. And meditations on what to do when you win the lotto.

When David insists you are fine exactly the way you are, you find yourself almost believing him.”

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Fat Girl Thin Girl: It’s never just right

Susan Harrow — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 09:53:55 +0000

My neighbor told me he thought I looked better when I was heavier. He didn’t exactly come out with it right away, but kept alluding to it until I finally got it.

At first, a few weeks ago, he stopped his car on his way home, leaned out his window and said I was looking leaner by the day. I fondled his two tiny dogs while we chatted about my Aikido training.

Yesterday, when I passed his house on my walk, he mentioned that he kept seeing me on the CNBC The Oprah Effect and that I looked good on the show. I joked that it was all the make-up and good lighting. But he kept hedging. “You are about one-third of your original size,” he said.

“Oh TV ads ten pounds,” I said. “I was the same weight then as I am now, I just looked chunkier on TV.”

Finally, he came out with it. “I prefer women with more meat on them.” Well, I’m not sure he noticed but I’m not his wife. So this is not information I need to know.

I confess that after that conversation I spent some time fretting over my arms getting a bit too cut from Aikido weapons training with the jo (long stick) and bokken (wooden sword). But I like the way they look. Kind of like Michelle Obama’s arms only shorter and chubbier. It’s happening naturally. My sweetie Will said that my arms looked toned and fit. His opinion is the one that matters.

But here’s the thing. I want to get to the point where I don’t fret for even one second about what anyone thinks about my body. Which leads me to the next point. Why do men think that they can just comment on it and tell me that I don’t match their preferences? I’m in a relationship. So is my neighbor. What does he care about the muscularity of my arms anyway? Who is he to say that my onion is too big or too small?

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