Jordan Harbinger

What if it were possible to send the men you meet trying to find Mr. Right to charm school? What if those men could be taught how to really look into your eyes, listen, and care — all with confidence, not some fake bravado? This is not some crazy delusion. You may be meeting a man near you who is skilled in the art of seduction, love, conversation and may even make the bed.

In today’s culture learning to be Mr. Right is not just for losers. Jordan Harbinger, who has a law degree and a BA in international commerce, runs a coaching and seminar business called The Art of Charm, to help men let go of their poor habits and self image so their inner prince charming can shine. Most of the men, from Michigan to Mumbai, he says, are ultra successful doctors, lawyers, technology geniuses — the kind of guys your mom would want you to marry, except that they aren’t. Not yet.

Most of the men have hearts of gold, they just can’t converse without slumping, umming, mumbling or staring at your boobs. But after they get schooled in the art of charm these guys, who want to find Mrs. Right, are transformed from Neanderthals to gentlemen.

Harbinger calls it Boot camp. And the workshops really take place military style with bunk beds and all the stuff you think about that creates true camaraderie from making chow to pillow talk. Harbinger says it’s’ not complicated. The simple reason he puts men in close quarters is that men kind of need to be forced to bond. And when you put them together not only do unlikely alliances form between 18 and 40 year olds, but they really start to open up to insights from each other and get a true perspective on themselves, their behavior and how it impacts meeting and forming lasting relationships with women.

“They get feedback from each other that they don’t get from friends,” says Harbinger. “Setting aside ego is a must for learning. We don’t let guys get a room Roosevelt so they can’t wimp out on the lessons either.” It’s pretty smart psychology as Harbinger has made his intensive trainings a kind of capsule for creating intimacy. The very thing that women complain about that men lack.

When it comes down to it, Harbinger says, men make all kinds of excuses for not meeting the right women, but bottom line is that they don’t trust that they are good guys. Take the Lawyer from London who said he was good with people, but not good with meeting people. They put him around hundreds of beautiful women but he still couldn’t connect.

The heart of what’s holding men back from finding the right relationship is basic: fear of rejection. In short Harbinger is cutting through all the limiting self talk, bad body language, excuses and, at the core, is teaching authenticity. When women see the real you they know what they get and are either attracted to you or not. Better to find out in the beginning rather than getting a rude surprise down the road when they realize that the man they “bought” pulled a bait and switch.

Harbinger’s methods are a sort of combination sports commentary and reality TV show. The video commentary is “like a game tape. It’s like were taking an athlete and breaking down his moves. We replay their body language and conversation and make corrections so they can improve their ‘game’.”

In the intensive video training the guys can see their poor posture, their absence of conversational prowess and their ultimately their lack of confidence — a deal breaker for most women. Then they get to try their skills out in the real world a la reality TV.

Harbinger and his workshop leaders put their men on the street in simple exercises like starting a conversation with a woman the participant wants to date. Back inside boot camp they do “hands on” exercises where women trainers give the men feedback on their impressions of their approach and
conversation.

One of he proudest graduates from The Art of Charm is James, a high school drop out who was brilliant, but didn’t believe it. A wireless network communications expert, he taught himself solely through the library. When he attended a program in Nebraska he was really heavy, sloppy, and wore sweats, T-shirts and crocks. He was reclusive and and still a virgin at age 28. Not woman magnet material.

Afterward James completed the program he lost 100 pounds and now travels all over the world creating networks for AT&T. He started own company and dates women from every corner of globe. He credits the Art of Charm for helping him create the life he has today. “We’re doing a service to women everywhere by changing men from jerks to confident charismatic guys who are free to be themselves,” says Harbinger. Single or married, who doesn’t want that?

Jordan Harbinger is a relationship expert and radio talk show host on SiriusXM Satellite Radio’s ‘Game On’, which airs every Friday from 5-7pm PST. Jordan is also a co-founder of The Art of Charm, a New York and Los Angeles-based company that specializes in teaching men advanced social skills both in business and networking as well as when meeting and attracting the opposite sex.  His clients range from Fortune 500 Executives, diplomats and IT engineers to college students, actors and entrepreneurs.  A Wall Street attorney in a former life, Jordan teaches students at The Art of Charm the principles and mindsets necessary to make their own successful transformations.

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Summer nights are quite balmy here in Marin. The upcoming Indian summer promises to be a warpath of high temps and scalding sunshine. After being a fog friendly San Francisco Girl these past 25 years – I’m adjusting to the new climate and dramatic wardrobe differences. Even my sleeping attire has changed.

I’d forsaken my classic uniform: the flannel Lanz nightie months ago – and have been on a quest for the coolest (every pun intended) sleeping attire. From gowns, loungewear, men’s-style cotton pajamas to my birthday suit. I’ve been hot on the trail of locating the perfect sleepwear.

Baby doll pajamas were the rage in high school – and oh, baby, I am no longer that ‘doll’. Next. I don’t have enough foot traffic and company to warrant the purchase of a luxurious Peignoir set and as far as I’m concerned, Victoria can’t keep a Secret. Next.

I was recently at that popular chain of French Dept Stores: Target.  I was hoping to economically replace the very cool $70.00 Hobie sunglasses I’d lost, for a stylish $10.00 pair of sunglasses and I could lose and not care about.

While strolling the aisles I happened to notice men’s, colored T-shirts: “greatly reduced”. Aha! A sleeping shirt! And a major bargain…I found an XL Kelly green shirt for a mere $1.98. What a deal!

Then I wandered by the vast Lingerie department.  I perused the voluptuous racks of sleeping attire. I felt like Goldilocks – this one’s too hot; this one too small; this one too gaudy- what were they thinking?  And, then I spied a nightie that was just right! It was a stunning leopard print, spaghetti straps, shortie, nightie – which might double as a cocktail dress, (perhaps worn over black cigarette pants, heels, dangling earrings).

For $16.00

Whimsically, I bought it. What the heck? I could always return it.

When I got home, I tried it on. Whoa – good nightie!

Have you ever looked in the mirror – and been so impressed with what you saw, you thought:  “Where’s the party? I need to be seen.”  Me, either – but, that’s exactly what crossed my mind.

Later that night, I put on the soft, green T-shirt and I realized I looked like a big shamrock. I pulled off the ‘tent’ and put on my sexy, pretty, leopard print and decided: Life is short. You can look like a schlump when you’re 90.  Now is the time to be sexy, fun, and cool.

Give me your tired, your poor ol nightgowns,
Your flannel, your muu muus, your T-shirts galore
The wretched refuse of your dresser drawer
Send these, the tawdry, and the tasteless to St Anthony.
I lift my glass beside the boudoir door

~ Page Larkin

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

~ Emma Lazarus

Page Larkin, San Francisco columnist for the Examiner.com, writes about Life in the Faust Lane: Dating at 50. A devotee of the thinking of Mae West, she concurs, “To err is human, but it feels divine”. See Larkin on Facebook and http://suddenlysingleminded.wordpress.com

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Body image does not only effect women who feel they are overweight, underweight/skinny women are taunted also. In a community where curves are accepted and the more “bootylicious” the better I was constantly put down by family, friends, and acquaintances for being a size 0.

I never had an eating disorder but I did have a high metabolism and at 28 years old, 5’9, and shopping in the juniors department my body image really caused me to be insecure as an adult woman and a mother. I had no curves, no love handles, nothing about my body said I was a “woman”. Those insecure feelings kept me out of the public eye for a while until I was comfortable enough to embrace it and make it work for me.

Learning to be comfortable in your own skin is a process and self acceptance and self love is such a necessity among women. Especially when you are in business and have to represent yourself or your company. I have also learned that the most important element of a person is who they are inside and not what they look like outside and once you exude that type of confidence other people around you start to feel the same. No matter how big or small you are.

Being an African American woman and being what our community considered too thin effected my dating habits. Most black men want curvaceous (thick) women with a big butt. I was neither. So what did I do? I dated white men. Thus, noticed the distinct differences between Caucasian men and African American men which prompted me to write my debut non-fiction: black men vs. White Men: the Black Woman’s Choice.

So the experience changed the course of my life and I am now a published author because of it. I still have my moments of insecurity when someone reminds me I am skinny but I am so comfortable in my own skin now that it does not matter to me anymore. I love public speaking, I love writing books, and I love being the center of attention. Because writing gives me confidence no one is able to take that away from me.

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