DeeDee Myers

“That was a big of a grab for me,” says Myers. “My reaction was to get really small and invisible. But part of me was curious. My mother asked me to wear lipstick and light make up. She took me aside and said, ‘This is not fair but people will judge you by what you wear and how you look. Never get fat. Always be healthy looking. Take care of your hair.’”

Her mother was a prestigious banker’s wife who entertained frequently. Although she had twelve children she didn’t look like a “drudge housewife”. The house was always neat and tidy. Her hair was done, her clothes were clean, ironed, and pressed. She had a motto: Always be dressed for company.

This is a script that has played in Myers’ head since the day her mother first schooled her on how she needed to present herself to the world. But today Myers has a different take on it. “It’s the same script,” she says , “I just have a new story. Now I see it as an invitation to always be ready, to extend for what you want, for what’s needed. It’s a lesson to be ready for anything.” That anything can mean stares at the yoga studio and strangers boldly asking, “How are you going to do downward facing dog?”

So Myers shows them and asks if they have suggestions. “At first I didn’t know whether I should try to explain or just demonstrate. I allow people to breathe around their own stories.” When her yoga class recently undertook handstands, Myers had some moments of confrontation with herself. She got jealous and “pissy” that others could do handstands while she couldn’t.

The internal dialog she was running said that this was just too hard. She wanted give up…and cry. Then she said to herself, “You’re 55 years old, how can you say this is the hardest things you’ve ever done when you’ve delivered quads?”

The other thing that happened inside her head is that Myers coached herself. As CEO of DDJ Myers, Ltd. and co-founder of the Advancing Leadership Institute, she’s in the business of giving others advice about how to move through difficulties. So she asked herself what advice she might give herself from a coaching perspective. She said she would try it a few ways and then would ask for help. So that’s what she did.

The next day she told the instructor, “I’m going to do a handstand today.” She spoke it like a declaration.

Startled, he first said “Good,” then asked, “A one handed handstand?”

“No. A two handed handstand one-handed.” Now she calls extreme challenges her “Handstand Moments” and she still has plenty of them.

Like the day she she found a little lump on the tip of her nose. She put off going to the doctor. When she finally had an exam the doctors said it was cancer and scheduled her for surgery. She had a young intern and his team working with her and they initially said they wouldn’t need to cut to the bone, that it was minor. But that assessment turned out to be inaccurate and she had to return to surgery to have her nose cut to the bone.

“At first I didn’t want to look,” she said after the surgery. “I had a hole in my nose.” But every day she told herself to look, and to find the lesson, to love who you are. She started by taking off the bandaid for a moment. Then for a couple minutes. Then twice a day. Each time she looked she said that she “kept locating who I am and loving who I am. We have to locate who we are on the inside, to find what’s good in us.”

Deedee Myers is an executive leadership coach who supports sustainable changes for individuals, teams and organizations. She is a motivational speaker and author, teacher and coach on leadership practices, effective coordination in teams and living a life of Purpose and balance. As a former triathlete and ultramarathoner Deedee is well schooled in pacing as CEO of the Advancing Leadership Institute, and mother of 9 including twins and quadruplets.

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The Tyra Show

Do you have a body part that you absolutely hate and sometimes feel ashamed of? Are you constantly finding ways to cover it up or hide it? Do you always feel anxious whenever out in public, perhaps fearing that others are staring at you because of a self-perceived body flaw? If you have serious issues with one of your body parts, and wish you could change it, contact us.

How many of us fit the bill? Probably 99% of all American women. Are you one of them?

One of my clients is a body image expert and in one of our media coaching sessions  she said that she practices mirror gazing — naked. Every night before bed she stands in front of a full length mirror and looks at her body and loves each part, loves the whole of her.

Impossible? I thought so when I first started. At first I saw only the ill-effects of gravity, fat where there should be muscle and cellulite in all the worst places.

But after a few months things began to shift. I could see that I had great collarbones. Then I moved on down… It took a while, but now I can look at the whole kit and kaboodle and say, “Not bad.” I can’t say I love it all, but that I have a few good features that time has not yet taken full toll.

When I go deeper than that I can appreciate that I’m strong, healthy, athletic, and have a sense of grace and joy. When I spoke to Diana Marie Estey, Yoga Instructor for Yoga Works in Larkspur CA, at a Yoga Retreat, about body beauty through yoga she said, “I’m more interested in helping people connect to their sense of aliveness.”

Rather than worrying about what we hate about ourselves she advised that we see how we can create connection to our environment, the beauty of nature, each other, ourselves. I was thinking about connecting to this sense of aliveness today when I was out walking on my usual route, sniffing flowers, picking blackberries, and fuzzling dogs and cats I’ve come to know. On this hot night I passed a neighbor’s kids running through their sprinkler on the lawn, naked, laughing, wet and cool, screaming in delight.

“They are so lucky!” I yelled to their dad. “Don’t we all wish we could do the same?” What if we remembered the delight in being naked? Water, sun, air on our skin under the big big sky with no other thought than how good we feel?

Susan Harrow is the author of Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul. She runs a Media Consultancy where she helps everyone from Fortune 500 CEOs to celebrity chefs, entrepreneurs to authors grow their business through media coaching and the power of PR. For more information please contact her here.

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